Ending a relationship is never easy. While it might be the right thing for all parties involved at the time, no one ever wants to be the one doing the breaking up. This is mainly because no one wants to end up feeling like a jerk. However, there are ways you can execute this unpleasant task with your dignity still intact. Here’s how.
1. Do it on Neutral Ground
When you’re thinking of how to break up with someone, make sure to avoid doing it in either of your apartments. Instead, choose a coffee shop or restaurant where the two of you haven’t been together. Give yourself a time limit for how long the conversation is going to take. The thing about doing it in public is that it allows either of you the chance to leave the conversation if it becomes too much.
2. Clearly Explain your Decision
You should have a mental list of all the reasons you are deciding to break up ready before you meet with your partner. This will help you be fully prepared for the discussion. Not only will this give your partner a bit more understanding in terms of why you’re breaking up with him/her, but it will also make it more difficult for them to convince you to take them back. And whatever you do, don’t use clichés. Avoid using “It’s not you; It’s me” or “I’m just not emotionally available, right now.”
3. Don’t Use Pet Names
Try to avoid using terms of endearment with your partner when you’re breaking up with them. This implies that you still want to pursue something romantically with them. This sends mixed messages and only adds insult to injury.
4. Don’t Point Fingers
It’s important not to play the blame game with your partner. Making it all about your partner gives him/her a lot more room to wiggle out of it. Instead, focus on the reasons why you are not happy in the relationship and why things are not going the way you wanted them to.
5. Don’t Tell all Your Friends (or their friends)
Sure, tell one or two of your best friends if you need some advice beforehand, but don’t make sure your entire friend circle knows about it before you’ve gone ahead with the break up. The last thing you need is for your partner to hear the bad news from someone other than you.
6. Don’t Promise to Still Be Friends
If the breakup happens amicably, with both parties mutually deciding to end it, a friendship can often develop. However, if you’re doing the breaking up, you cannot decide to still stay friends. That decision must be left up to your soon-to-be ex and chances are, he or she will want to distance themselves from you (at least for a little while). This is what comes with the territory.
7. Don’t Do it By Text or Email
Whatever you do, regardless of your reason for ending the relationship, out of respect for your partner, you owe it to them to do the breaking up in person. It may be difficult, but you’ll be glad you did in the long run.